Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
