If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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