scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
