Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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