Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
