I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you win again, gameday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
