just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize