so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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