WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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