he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
