When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
