have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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