Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
