First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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