Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
