Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
