he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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