You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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