Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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