My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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