This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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