no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
