why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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