how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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