I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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