A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
