how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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