i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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