yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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