True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
