i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
