I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
