I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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