Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
