party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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