Just cropdusted the office
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
