Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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