how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
