So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
