WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
