why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
