yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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