he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
