i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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