what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize