He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
