She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
