I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
