And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sext me about skeletons
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
