My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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