I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
