i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
