Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
