So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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