I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
