I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
