I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you didnt know i had herpes?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize