Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is the high leading the old right now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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