She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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