Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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