Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
