This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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