Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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