Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
