He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
