He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
