Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
