did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
