Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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