please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
