how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
