If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
