I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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