Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
