If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
