I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
