Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think my tv is drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
